This story is inspired by a skateboard designed by my oldest brother Omar Thabit Pasha.
After the fourth broken arm, Sean’s parent sue him for the amount of money they’ve had to pay for his medical bills. The judge allows the suit to go through and after a few choice words by the infamous family judge Gillert Ryder, Sean is sentenced to time riding along in an ambulance so that he can understand the consequences of his risky behavior. But does he?
Chapter 1: Judge Ryder Sucks
Here I am in this stupid ambulance. I can’t believe my parents sued me. I can’t believe the judge called me and my skateboarding friends “freakin morons.” Since when do judges get to use language like that? I mean, if I used language like that my dad and mom would like go into a fit and ground me for like forever. And just to think that Judge Ryder and my parents agreed that I should be punished all because I like broke my arms like 4 times. I mean, Big D broke his arm like 6 times and his parents didn’t sue him. So now I’m in this stupid ambulance riding along with Philicia Jamison. She’s hot and all but like she asks too many questions and she’s like 25, way too old for my type. By the way, I’ll be 13 next week and once I turn 18 I plan to move out and skateboard full time, but until then, I kinda have to like live with my parents Yani and Sean Bradley II and write a diary for like 50 days. It was originally 25 days but I pissed Judge Ryder off so much that he tacked on 25 more days, not without telling me I was an idiot and all just because I kinda like mumbled his hairpiece should be dyed.
Writing sucks. Life sucks. This ambulance sucks and picking up kids with broken arms, that sucks too unless their like your friends and then you get to shoot the breeze and play around, well that is, until you like hit a bump during the ride and the conversation kinda turns to screams.
Well, I guess I should explain everything from the beginning so that you can understand why I’m here. I’m a pretty swell guy just a bit misunderstood. I mean just because I want to skate all the time doesn’t mean I’m dumb and all. I mean if I were like a teenage girl who wanted to wear makeup all the time like the lames in my junior highschool, well except Khaliah, she’s gorgeous and my future girlfriend who doesn’t know it yet, I’d be labeled cool and all and encouraged to be like a fashion makeup queen and everybody would kinda like want to come around me, all because I know how many different types of pink lipsticks and nail polish there are, and I’d still be all popular and stuff even though I couldn’t tell you what’s four plus four or our first president. I mean I may not have an entourage but atleast I know who our first president is. I was like even on the debate team for a year and out debated everyone that is, until I was kicked off by Mr. Johnson because I challenged him to debate me about students having the right to drop out of college and follow their dreams, more specifically skateboarding dreams. I guess he thought I was going to corrupt the minds of other students.
But I’m a boy whose only interest is to ride my skateboard which some kids at school think is kinda lame because I don’t do the normal stuff like go to the movies or mall. I mean who wants to walk around a mall when you can ride a ramp? Like hanging in the mall can’t even compare to the feeling I get when I’m in the air becoming one with my board. I mean that’s where it’s at.
I also happen to be a part of the Bradley family which is cool except I’m expected to like follow in their stupid footsteps and make a ton of money, get married and have kids. But that’s not like what I want to do with my life. I mean don’t get me wrong, the money part is great but I can’t see myself having kids especially knowing what they’re like. Like I have a little brother we call Rabbit because all he does is like hop from one couch to the next yelling and stuff and then like somehow he always runs into walls. Now that I’m thinking about it, I probably should talk to him because my mom might sue him in a few years, like when he turns five for mental stress because she likes has to revive him each time he does it. But back to me and stuff, I’ve known what I wanted to do ever since I had an encounter with DJ. Getdough, a DJ at night but a legendary skateboarder from 9 to 5.
Chapter 2: DJ Getdough
My Junior High School sits in the middle of St. Johns Street. It’s like huge and all because like alot of kids go there, anyways our principal Mrs. Eat Soap, except her name isn’t really Mrs. Eat Soap but Janet Mitchell. We call her that because like everyone wants her to like eat soap and die and stuff, decided that since there were no in school suspensions and all for the month of April and May, the two months where like everyone seems to get into a lot of trouble and all because in June everyone has to take tests and we typically don’t have a life, to invite a guest to our school. So that kinda like became the lame topic in the school for a while. Most of my friends and all thought she invited Fire Chief Williams.
So there was like a big plan and all to break free from hearing his boring lecture about fire. Even Branita, she’s Mr. Williams daughter, thought her father was coming so she started acting all uppity and stuff. I said hi to her one day in the hallway after the rumor started and she just like rolled her eyes at me like you know how sometimes girls do when they get in that #I’msobeautifuldon’ttalktomemood# except she probably thought #myfatherislikecomingandhe’slikeThefireGodsoi’mlikeallthat# and I like just kept walking because like the last thing I ever want to do is get into an argument with Branita Williams because she’ll start like crying and stuff and tell her dad and all his fire friends will be outside waiting for me after school trying to like hose me and all, and like if they do, I’ll never be able to skateboard again because I’ll drown and stuff from all the water and like my mom will have to bury me in a closed coffin because I’ll be bloated and stuff from being filled with water and I’ll kinda like look a puffer fish. I don’t really like puffer fish.
So the plan was for Richard Thomas to pull the fire alarm so that we could break free and I like told him to be careful because I watch CSI and if the detectives find his fingerprints on the alarm he’ll like go to jail and all but all my friends just kinda looked at me so I stopped talking. But once Branita said her father was not the speaker, Kirk Blazzel said that he heard it was like Ariana Grande.
All the guys wondered if Mrs. Eat Soap had the clout to pull that off because she was like nerdish and all and Ariana was like cool and all, but then all the guys kinda like got excited about the idea. The girls all started coming to school with their hair like hers which was so like stupid and all. Well not Khaliah, she really pulled off Ariana’s look. She’s like a princess and all. I’ve loved her since 4th grade. Anyways, the day that we all made up our minds it was going to be Ariana, I like had a dream about her. Not Khaliah but Ariana.
Ariana was like sitting next to me on my couch and all and I was about to plant a big juicy wet one on her and then she started singing, a mic appeared, and I was on stage somehow in her concert and then she was singing and my mom came out and started lecturing me about having girls in the house until she saw it was Ariana and then she started dancing and got #jiggywithit# and I was like totally embarrassed because the crowd went wild and like they totally showed my mom on television and I woke up screaming.
All this, the dream and the rumors about Ariana Grande happened on Friday but by Monday the new rumor was LeBron James, but then that was squashed because he was like having a press conference that night in like Miami about some new show he was a part of. Oh, by the way I’m from Nanuet New York. It’s pretty nice here. You should visit sometimes. We can shoot the breeze and I can show you the “Dome.” It’s the largest ramp in Nanuet.
So like the week went by and all and on Friday we were all told on the PA to go to the auditorium. All the girls still wore their hair like Ariana’s because they all thought she was still coming. Brian Harris, my best friend, who was also convinced Ariana was still coming sprayed on so much cologne, which kinda smelled like really bad and all, that the only thing that came to mind was that I wished that Richard Thomas could still pull the fire alarm so that water could like fill the auditorium and like Mrs. Eat Soap could like burp up like a bar of soap, and Brian would be able to take a bath and like return to normal.
So like here we all were in the auditorium and stuff waiting when before our eyes, the legendary black stallion, we call him that because of his dark skin, DJ Getdough walked in and like I almost took a crap in my pants….